3 Things That Happen When You Stop People Pleasing
3 Things That Happen When You Stop People Pleasing
As a Niceaholic, I’m sure you must be familiar with knowing how hard it is to break the habit of putting others before yourself all the time. The feeling that you could be letting someone down always pulls at your heartstrings.
As much stress and anxiety pleasing others cause you, it can get worse when you choose to stop – at least initially. This is because of the guilt and shame you experience when you start saying “no.”
But making the decision to stop people-pleasing is an important step towards your freedom from the judgment of others. It is a critical habit to give up if you are going to find a life of peace and harmony within yourself.
There are three important things that will happen when you stop people-pleasing, they are:
Discover Who Your Real Friends Are
Unfortunately, there will be a shedding of people in your inner circle. There will always be people who only want to hang out with you because of your kind and giving nature, who want to take advantage of you.
You cannot change these people as much as you want to and when you stop trying to please them and start saying “no” you will see them for who they truly are.
Often when you are no longer a ‘resource’ to them, you will see some of your friends show their true colors. You need to accept this is who they are, because they are showing you they only care about themselves.
You need to stop seeing the potential they have to be the person you want them to be and accept they just don’t have the capacity right now.
When you compare their behavior to what you would expect from a good friend, you will see they don’t measure up. It is wise to let them and their guilt trips go, and make way for friends who will love and cherish you, who are easier and more fun to be around.
This is what happened with me, I lost so many people at one point, I didn’t think I would have anyone left! Now I have the most beautiful friends, who genuinely care about me and I see what I was missing all this time 🙂
I find it a lot easier to be my authentic self, now I’m not trying to prove my worth to people who can’t (or won’t) see it.
Make Time For Yourself
When you stop giving all of your time and attention to everyone else, you tend to have more time for yourself.
You probably don’t realize the amount of time and energy you spend worrying and considering others all the time. It takes a lot of mental bandwidth to hold space for people, knowing what’s going on in their lives and trying to anticipate what they might need all the time.
When you stop people-pleasing, you finally have the space to think about your own needs. Now you can have time to spend time on things that are important to you, things that bring you happiness and joy.
In the beginning, this can be really difficult. When you have had the habit of putting others before yourself for so long, it can feel really selfish to say no, my things are more important.
There is a lot of guilt and shame that comes up at first. Once you shift your mindset and see that you matter too, it does get a lot easier and this feeling will start to fade.
Having more time to yourself means you can start living your life more intentionally, you can be the pilot of your own plane, instead of simply a passenger. Imagine having time to actually pursue your own goals for a change!
This is what you will have when you stop saying yes to others, and start saying yes to yourself.
You Gain Confidence
The reason Niceaholics put themselves last all the time, is they often possess low self-esteem. They don’t think their time is worth as much as others and their priorities can wait. This is why you may prioritize the needs of others over yourself.
When you stop people-pleasing, you begin to feel more confident.
The more times you say “no,” the more sure of yourself you become. This is because you are practicing standing up for yourself. You are facing the fear of being rejected, of facing conflict, and each time you survive, you become braver.
You need to understand, you are not responsible for other people’s thoughts or happiness. They are. You can’t control their response by being their servant all the time. If you have to walk on eggshells all the time, they are not your friend.
Letting them go will grow your confidence because you are free to be your gorgeous self and aren’t around their negative energy anymore.
When you realize all of the stress and anxiety you feel because you are constantly doing for others is not worth it, then you will truly be able to move past your people-pleasing behavior.
A Final Note
At the end of the day, while some of the outcomes of stopping your people-pleasing habits may be difficult, keep in mind eventually, you will feel better.
You will grieve the loss of the people who couldn’t come with you, and this will make space for more nurturing people to come into your life.
The guilty feelings will pass at some point, leaving you feeling a sense of pride and peace you may not have otherwise felt.
This usually occurs when you realize that your needs are just as important as others. You matter and when you value your own time and priorities, it makes your life easier, you are more at peace and you get to achieve your own goals.
It is your one and only life, make it count.
Remember, always be kind to yourself!
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