Neglecting Yourself Doesn’t Make You Feel Better
Neglecting yourself, doesn’t make you feel better
Are you guilty of neglecting yourself? Do you know you have bad habits but don’t know why you do this to yourself? Are they weird strategies we use to try to feel better, to get some breathing space in our busy lives? What gives?
As niceaholics, we have learned that in order to be accepted and liked, we must put ourselves last. We must always think of others before ourselves, and never ask for what we want.
We must be selfless, always.
This is an admirable quality, but it can often go too far.
Neglecting yourself doesn’t make you better; it actually makes you worse off. In order to be truly successful in life, and to live it to its fullest, we need to learn how to take care of ourselves.
Read on to find out how to stop neglecting yourself and learn how to develop a self-care practice that will help you feel better.
Why Are You Neglecting Yourself?
It’s so hard to find your own inner strength when you are constantly being pushed around and being taken advantage of, isn’t it?
No wonder we feel like it’s natural to neglect ourselves and prioritize others, it’s how we keep things under control.
But are things really under control? Is neglecting yourself, actually making you feel better because everyone else in your life is happy? Is that why you are here on this earth, to be a servant to others? I don’t think so.
Think about why you are neglecting yourself. What is causing you to constantly put yourself last all the time? Why are others’ needs more pressing than taking care of yourself? Observe what is going on for you when this happens and notice your feelings. It will be very telling.
For me, it was often a faint feeling that I wasn’t allowed to feel good or have nice things, I wasn’t important or something. I don’t know what it is for you but just being aware that programming is happening, means you can do something about it.
Just remember you deserve to be cared for too, and sometimes the only person who can do that is you!
Regular self-care is so important in maintaining resilience and valuing yourself. When you are rested, you can stand up to unreasonable requests from others more easily and set boundaries that help your needs get met too.
5 Ways You Are Neglecting Yourself To Try To Feel Better
Self-neglect doesn’t have to look like you haven’t showered in days and are surrounded by empty chocolate wrappers (although that is definitely a red flag!).
There are lots of little sneaky ways it shows up in your life.
“Daring To Set Boundaries Is About Having The Courage To Love Ourselves, Even When We Risk Disappointing Others.”~Brené Brown
Here are 5 main signs you are neglecting yourself and need to take action:
Not looking after yourself
If your mother or best friend could see the way you live your life every day, what would she say? Would she be worried about you?
When you start letting the small things slip, they have a way of getting out of hand and can become a big problem.
Ask yourself, am I…
- eating properly?
- sleeping enough?
- overcommitting myself?
- being hard on myself?
- not moving my body regularly?
- spending too much time inside?
- being reclusive?
If you answered yes to any of these, the next question to ask is, why you are doing these things?
Is it just a busy season in your life (holidays, deadlines, etc) or is this becoming a way of life?
Are you overwhelmed and burnt out? Is there something going on that needs addressing? Do you need to speak to someone about this?
These behaviors left unchecked can turn into depression, so it’s wise to see a professional or speak to your doctor if these areas are getting out of hand for you.
Worrying All the Time
Excessive worrying is also a form of self-neglect as it is absolutely exhausting and isn’t helpful behavior.
The sneaky thing about worrying is, that you feel like you are being productive and figuring things out when all you are doing is draining your own energy.
Do you often…
- Ruminate about things from the past? Going over and over things that happened and trying different endings?
- Stressing about things you have no control over?
- Fretting about things ahead that you have no idea how to deal with?
- Replaying conversations that didn’t go so well, performing autopsies on them, and trying to find where you messed up?
- What-if-ing (If this happens, I’ll do x, if not I’ll do y)
Worrying all the time doesn’t help you feel better, it only wears you out and is a sign you are neglecting your well-being.
Numbing activities
Numbing is what we do when we are avoiding the things we need to do for our own well-being and happiness.
Scrolling too much?
Look up and find that it’s 8 pm and you haven’t made tea?
Too much social media is one of the favorite numbing activities because, like worrying, it feels like you are being productive when you are really not. Plus it’s addictive! It’s designed to keep you engaged and watching reel after reel.
Netflix
Need I say more lol? You know when you pick up the remote, you are in trouble. If you are feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, Netflix has always got you gurl 🙂
You can easily write off a few weeks when you pick up a good series. Great for avoiding people and things that need dealing with!
Saying Yes, When We Want to Say No
This is a really bad habit. When we are ‘chosen’ by others everything else falls by the wayside, especially our own needs. We forget our own unhappiness when we are helping someone with their problems.
We feel responsible for them and feel really selfish if we need to cut our time short, especially when they’re in a crisis.
Old fashioned procrastinating
Another way we numb ourselves to keep busy avoiding our feelings is procrastinating. Again, we pick something that on the surface appears to be productive but is really another drain on our precious time.
When you find yourself doing one of the above, stop and just be aware. Reflect and ask yourself why am I neglecting myself by doing this activity instead of what really needs doing.
How does this give me the short-term feeling of being ‘better’ and how is this actually hurting me in the long term?
How to stop neglecting yourself and what to do instead
“Water is the softest thing, yet it can penetrate mountains and earth. This shows clearly the principle of softness overcoming hardness.” ~Lao Tzu
If you have been neglecting yourself, you probably don’t know what to do to actually feel better. It can feel like this downward spiral is never going to end.
The key to changing this bad habit of putting yourself last all the time is to put yourself first. Genius, right?
Yes, self-care is the antidote to self-neglect. Really.
At some level, you have a belief that you aren’t worth taking care of or aren’t allowed to rest because that’s lazy so we need to challenge this.
When you practice self-care, you are showing yourself you are important and worth taking care of. Like the quote above you need to show yourself softness and kindness, instead of the hardness of self-neglect.
This challenges the negative belief and slowly it loses its hold on you. It does take time to work as this is a belief you’ve probably had since childhood.
When you commit to regular self-care and demonstrate you have your own back, you will see change. Stick with it, as it feels very strange when you aren’t used to it!
What is self-care?
Self-care is more than facials and meditation.
Real self-care is being a mother to yourself. It’s making sure you have eaten, have a warm jacket, get off your phone and go to bed 🙂
It’s taking care of the small things so you can catch your breath again and get back to being a functioning adult.
The danger of falling into neglecting ourselves to try to feel better is, that it makes us feel so much worse. When you are eating toast for tea, you don’t sleep well, when you don’t sleep, you get up late and you’re rushed.
Because you slept late you didn’t eat breakfast and grabbed a coffee which made your anxiety feel worse, then you said something stupid in the meeting because you were tired and on it goes…:(
These poor choices compound into a feeling quite unwell and don’t give you any energy to deal with the hectic things you have going on.
This is why self-care is so important. If you can stop the downward spiral and actually nourish yourself, you will feel absolutely amazing and start feeling like your old self again.
7 Simple Ways to Give Yourself Self-Care
Self-care is especially vital for those of us who tend to neglect ourselves. There are many simple ways to give yourself the care you need.
Here are a few ideas:
1. Get Enough Sleep
Most people need around eight hours of sleep per night, so try to make sure you’re getting enough shut eye.
2. Eat Healthy Food
Eating nutritious foods helps your body stay healthy and energized.
3. Exercise Regularly
Exercise releases endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects.
4. Take Breaks Throughout The Day
When you’re constantly on the go, it’s easy to forget to take a break and relax. Make sure to set aside time each day to focus on your breath and be mindful of your surroundings.
5. Start saying no more often
Practice boundaries with the demanding people in your life and get some of your personal time back.
6 . Spend time with loved ones
Spending time with loved ones can help reduce stress and promote positive feelings. It doesn’t need to be a long time, even a quick cuppa can really lift your spirits.
7. Most importantly spend time with yourself
Question how you feel, and why you feel that way. Speak kindly to yourself and work on progress over perfection. Reflect on how your day went and how you can make it easier on yourself tomorrow.
It is important to be gentle with yourself and to take things one step at a time.
Start with small goals that you can realistically achieve, such as taking a shower or eating a proper dinner. Once you have accomplished these goals, you can gradually move on to bigger goals.
Treat yourself like the most precious thing, because you are 🙂
The idea is to reparent yourself, make sure you are taking care of yourself, and foster positive habits that set you up for success.
A Final Note
When you learn how to put yourself first and practice real self-care, the type that helps you get back to being a functioning adult again, you will stop neglecting yourself because you know it really doesn’t make you feel better.
Eating well, getting enough sleep, and doing things to help make your own life easier are the things that are going to move the needle for you. Not going to bed late after being on your phone for hours and eating a bag of chips for tea!
Look out for signs you are neglecting yourself such as numbing, procrastinating, and putting others’ needs ahead of yours, and take action straight away.
Remember, self-care isn’t just getting a manicure, things like exercising, and spending time with loved ones will really help restore your resilience and help you deal with the hectic things you have on.
Don’t believe that others’ needs should come before yours, you are important and need to be cared for as well and the only person that can do that is you!
So stop neglecting yourself and make yourself a priority, it is only then you will truly start to feel better.
Love
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